Boring day...

Today has been a funny day.
I am unbelievably tired. I don't know why.
The past two weeks have been a battle between my body and whatever it is in that Evra patch. My body won.
It mad me moody, mad, restless, and gave me headaches.
Not worth it.

Now I am home. I am transforming and getting better at being brave and fair. Last night I sort of did myself a disservice when fear cropped up a little too high. I wanted to be with my coco and I got scared it would make too many problems with his work. I gotta stop that..

I'm so excited about going home and seeing my family. A part of me feels desperately unsure and worried about the whole thing though. I don't really know why..
I just watched the Anime Paprika, it was amazing.

Missing sleep

Sleep,
It is a needed thing. I'm happy though because usually somewhere near the middle, or end of the day I get a sort of bump of energy. I don't know where it comes from... Anyway, last night I went out and it was nice. I think it was the first party I have really been to with my BF. Which is quite funny because we have been together for quite a while. I see now how much my world has sort of been in the dark, in respect to our relationship. I also see how good it feels to really share my life with him. Sometimes he is just the cutest thing in the world.
Tonight is another party and it should be real fun.
But I am looking forward to doing nothing tomorrow. : P

I am so busy though, lately, that I hardly have time to think about, or rather execute my creative projects. I have a lot of time to think about them! LOL. But anyway, there are so many things going on in the world right now, crazy.

dress up, dress down. Get dressed, go to town!

Nylons are weird.
This is the first time I am wearing them in ages, and it is funny to touch them. Rub over my barely covered legs and feels this funny fabric that I always seem to have to jump into. It's nice.
I was thinking how I would like to wear skirts more. I should buy more skirts.
I have been looking around in shops and there hasn't been anything that I like. But I am going to look in the second hand places. I think the will have it.
It's been raining. I did laundry yesterday and like a silly girl put all my socks to dry outside.
Now they are all wet.

Lol.

Last night we got my tickets.
I could barely sleep.

Being and adult... What??

Omg.

Being an adult is funny.

I am in the process of arranging my trip to the US and my co has been generous and delightful in his offer to pay for my tickets. The funny thing is that in my mind "Get the tickets" has ment literally getting the tickets together and just handing them to me and geting me on a plane. It never occured to me that I might actually have to PARTICIPATE in the whole process, so when he called me to clarify on the dates I was in shock.

It was funny because he was like "It seems like you haven't thought about this..." and in a way he was right. Not that I hadn't thought about the dates, but that I haven't thought about the logistics of actually getting the tickets.

So I sort of flipped out like I usually do with the "This one, no, this one, no... This One!" thing, and thank god it was late and he is mature enough to say "It's late. Let's do this tomorrow." Rather than getting stuck in my confused, and confusing supersticious, half informed, paranoid, and stress induced mish mash.

I have to say that in this moment, I am incredibly greatful to my boyfriends resolve, eventhough sometimes it gets on my nerves! Lol.

But, as you can probably tell by the pace of this text, I am super excited. He suggested that I sleep on my decisions around dates and I did that. When I woke up I felt excited and I also felt like I was ready to calmly participate in the process of purchasing flight tickets, without freaking out.

Let's see how it goes!

First Saturday

Saturday, Saturday, Saturday.

I'm thinking about lot's of things. I have to do a little bit of stuff. In a minute.. I have been having flu, but then it got better. Yesterday I was in bed a lot. Thanks to my boss for getting rid of me early yesterday!

Nice, Sarah just stopped by. Lol. That really improved my mood. I was about to go on about all those woulda' coulda' shoulda's out there in my history but now I feel a little bit better. A bit more calm and forward thinking.
It's funny because I am sort of trying to edge into using lots of Finnish. I feel sort of confident and really scared, but I am managing.

Hmmm. I wonder what I should do this afternoon. I am feeling well but not well enough to go wandering around or anything like that. Just well enough not to be in bed. And I don't want to be sitting at home cleaning or being cold because my place needs some air... Saturday, saturday, saturday, oh what have you become?

P.s. for more information about my prince: Things are going good, we have been going, and it has been good. We have been talking, and talking makes a difference. It also makes a big difference that it feels like we are talking about the right things at the right time. I dunno. Things are going.

Also I found this interesting piece about relationships that was part of the UCLA MFA show, check it out: http://the-flog.com/2009/11/ucla-mfa-2010-exhibition/

Shocker!

My co found this blog. I deleted it now for a second, but it didn't feel right. In a way having this blog makes me feel more real. Like I have my own space, and in a way I am so confident that no one really reads it that it is a comforting little diary.
I read through what I have been writing and it doesn't look as bad as I thought it was when I wrote it.

We talked tonight and it was truly wonderful to hear his voice.

We are coming through yet another rough patch and everything feels shaky. A lot is changing, but I think they are changing for the better. I am hopeful and confident that things will work themselves out. There is always this fear that things will just repeat and repeat. That the arguments and the issues will just never go away. But I don't think that's true. I mean, some things will never change. But others will have to.

A new day.

I have been out of blogging, probably will be for a while.
But we'll see.
working on a digital portfolio.
talked to my mom.
she said I need to go easy on myself.
It's true.